11 Jul 2020

Envy as a Self-Development Tool

I have come to absolutely love envy, as at some point in my life I began seeing it differently than I did as a child, when it was something “bad”, unwelcome, which had to be eradicated as quickly as possible by making myself – and potentially others – wrong.

One day…

back in college, my brother and I were watching a former classmate walk across a red carpet, for a big awards ceremony.

I was filled with both admiration and envy.

Me: “Don’t you envy him right now?”

My brother: “Not at all, actually”

Me: “Wouldn’t you want to be where he is right now?”

My brother: “Not at all, actually. Would you?”

Me: (drooling)

It took a few years for me to link the two – envy and desire.

I eventually understood that I was only envious of what others HAD or DID when I wanted those same things myself. When I didn’t want them, I was either sincerely happy for them, or simply couldn’t care less.


I then realized that when it came to being envious of who someone else WAS, the traits I envied in them were traits I also had, but hadn’t yet allowed myself to express/show/be that way.

I understood that what I see in the person I envy is a mirror of the parts of me I am keeping locked up from the world, and most times even from myself. 

For instance,

When I started dancing, I found myself envying my teacher so much, that at times I would scold God for creating her “that way”, and making me “just this way”.

A couple of months later, a common friend saw me dance.

“When I see you, I see Zhanna”, she said.

And that’s when I understood.

What I was envying in her was what I had not allowed myself to see, honor and love in my own self.

What I envied in her, I already was! 🌟

I love it when people envy me, because I know that, in that moment, I serve as inspiration for someone else to clarify their next level of becoming.

These days, as soon as envy shows up, I listen to its message, because every time I allow another part of me to come out of the shadows, to come out and play, I feel more complete, like there is more of me in me.

Basically I feel more full of myself, in the most delicious way possible 😍

And this is my wish for all of us, my friends!

That we may feel as full of ourselves as possible, unapologetically so, allowing ourselves to explore and be and have and do everything that suits our fancy!


PS: How full of yourself are you? (Promise I won’t judge 😃)

PS2: What if we redefined that saying, and made “being full of yourself” a great, and humble, goal of becoming?